May. For some reason I become gloomy around this time, and it's not that I tend to stay at home more than I naturally do, but in some cases it can be a good thing. For instance, my pace for reading books will be abnormally fast,  I can play with my dear sons who I normally am too busy to play with, and I can clean and do laundry. There's no place more secure than home. I'm always experiencing some kind of disaster or another, but the one place where I am completely at peace, is my home.

Or so I thought, until the other day. I'd never expect it, but the influence of misfortune can stretch even as far as my house...

As usual, I was creating a new song in the workroom on the second floor, trying to compose while holding on to my guitar. This room has a desk by the window with two computer monitors, if I look to the right the entire wall is a bookshelf, if I look to the left there's a variety of instruments and equipment side-by-side, and on the shelves behind me I can see the plastic models I've collected, piled high. It's my treasury room, so to speak.

Anyway, I've always had a habit of collecting things that please me, and I set up my treasures in this room, so that if I ever have spare time I'm content to just gaze at them.


The thing that suits me the most is the Tamiya RC Car. To put it simply, it's radio controlled, but above all else my most favourite thing about it is the large track type, that I call "Bigfoot." This plastic model is scaled down about a tenth, and with a small cost it's absolutely perfect. From the interior of the gears to the suspension, I had to assemble it myself from scratch, and the pure white body at the beginning required that I work colour it patiently by spray painting. When all of that was complete and I made it run, I felt a euphoria that could not be compared to any other sense of accomplishment. For many years, I've been collecting car models I longed for that I couldn't buy when I was a child, and I'm immersed in self-satisfaction when I assemble them so that they last.

Finishing up one stage of the song I was making, I stretched my back against the chair, and when I looked behind me, one of the cars that I had not yet painted caught my eye.
"The weather's nice today, so it'll be good for the spray to dry. Well, I'll finish it today for sure!!!" I thought. I dismantled the body from the radio-controlled frame, to take out to my yard along with some black spraypaint and newspaper.

I put on some clothes I wouldn't mind getting dirty, and a mask so that I wouldn't breathe in any fine powder from the spray. Perfectly ready, I went outside. First of all I spread out the newspaper and put the body of the car on top of it, then sprayed it all over so it wouldn't be uneven. Before my eyes, the body was coloured a matted black. After that I had to wait for it to dry so that when I put stickers on it, it'd be complete. The weather forecast said that it should be clear all day, so I left it alone for three hours to dry.

I went indoors with peace of mind, and replaced the T-shirt that had gotten a little dirty with a fresh one, then went upstairs again to continue working on the song. When I sat down in the chair, I noticed that my mobile phone on the desk was flickering. It seemed like I got a call from someone while I was outside. I flipped it open, and my mother's name was displayed in the Received history. Come to think of it, I hadn't called her recently at all. Just like that, I pushed the talk button to call her back. After about three rings, I heard my mother's voice in the phone.

"Hello? Hitoshi? Do you have work today? Are you at home?" she questioned me, speaking rapidly.
I replied, "No, I'm home today. What's going on?"
"Ahh, good. Today Mother's in Shinjuku for work, and when I finish up I thought I'd come to your place, so I'll be coming over now, byebye." My mother was still speaking pretty quickly, and she hung up the phone again in a flash without even telling me a reason. I had gotten used to my mother being like this a long time ago, and since I had no particular reason to refuse her, I continued working on my music composition while waiting for her arrival.

When I held the guitar in my hand and booted up my computer, the phone rang again. I put the phone to my ear and this time it was the manager calling. "Hello? I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off, but do you have time today?"
With those words, I sensed that I was urgently needed for work again. "No, it's fine. Something came up?"
My manager listened and told me apologetically, "Yeah. Actually the photos from the shoot a few days ago are at the office now, so I thought you could come in to check them, but... is that okay?"
The truth is there were various things I wanted to do, but where work is concerned it can't be helped. Calculating the time of my mother's arrival, I told the manager that I would go to the office for an hour, and then hung up the phone.

I changed into clothes for going outside, and as I was getting ready to leave, my mother turned up earlier than planned. As usual when my mother hadn't seen me in a long time, just as soon as she saw my face she flooded me with her specialty 'machine gun' talk.
As I put on my shoes in the entranceway, I interrupted her. "Sorry.  I suddenly have to go into the office at work, so make yourself at home."
"Oh I see, well then I'm going to clean up so get going!" my mother said, and putting aside a massive bag of what seemed to be souvenirs, she rolled up her sleeves and took a broom in her hand. With a sidelong glance at her, I opened the door and headed for the office on my bike.

When I arrived at the office, a bundle of photographs was already on the table and I immediately got to work. Checking them over one by one, I was picking out the good and bad, but there were many more than I had thought and by the time I had finished looking them all over, two hours had passed. I confirmed with the manager that there was nothing else for me to do, and left the office. First I went to a convenience store to get food and drinks for two people, then returned home the same way I had come.

As I entered, my mother was sweeping up a pile of dust in the hallway. "Ah, welcome home. You're done already? You're fast! Oh, I swept upstairs too."
"Yeah, thanks," I said, while taking off my shoes, and I headed upstairs.
Then my mother said, "Ah, right, the garbage truck came by so I took out all the garbage in your yard. It's no good, you know, hanging onto broken bits of bicycles and washing machines, so I took out everything!"
"Eh??"
As I heard those words a chill ran down my spine, and on my way upstairs I turned and ran back down, hurriedly putting on my sandals to go into the yard.
"No!! No way!! It's not... it's not... it's all gone..."
My hunch had hit the mark. Of course, the broken bike and washing machine couldn't be the radio-controlled bodies I had left out to dry, could they...?
Turning on my heel, I vigorously ran back inside and questioned my mother, who was still holding the broom. "Mother! What about t-the plastic model on the newspaper??" The words came in fragments.
"Ah, that? I took that out too. I just took it out, hahaha," she said, while sweeping the hallway thoughtlessly.
"When? How long ago???"
With a finishing blow of few words, she cast aside my wish that it could perhaps still be nearby. "Ah, well, it was shortly after you left, about two hours ago?"

It was hopeless... surely it would be crushed flat by the bulk of garbage from other houses... Completely resigned, I went upstairs with nothing else to say. The body was lost, and just the radio-controlled car was left behind... Altogether depressed, I saw off my mother who was satisfied to have kept up with one-sided chatter, so that I could feel down alone.

I never would've thought that such a shocking incident could happen in my home that seemed to be an absolute safe zone, and I still haven't recovered from the impact. Whenever I look at the radio-controlled car that lost its outward appearance, I let out a deep sigh, and just like that, bid farewell to those days and curl up like a patient of the May Blues...