Ringtone

A story sent to me from a fan.

That person's mother was employed at the town hall. One day, she was told that a male colleague suddenly died. On the day of the funeral service, a mobile phone started ringing in the town hall. And what's more, it would absolutely not stop ringing.
'Where the heck could it be?' thought the fan's mother, and as she tried approaching the direction of the sound, she could hear it coming from the desk of the man who had died.

Even so, she was searching for the mobile to make it stop ringing, but couldn't find it. It was just like the ringtone was coming from the desk itself. Her other coworkers came to gather around the desk too, and they all had a bad feeling about it. Everyone was wracking their brain to think how the hell it was possible, and before they realized it they couldn't hear the sound anymore.

Afterward, the fan's mother told this to her family members as a story, but I was told that moment was when they all headed to the crematorium.

<Coach's Enigma>

Yeeah. You couldn't use mail sent to you from a fan as your own writing, so since you read it just as it was you changed it considerably. As I wrote before, it's because the core of a ghost story must be how you change a "drawing" into words. Therefore, it's very difficult to write after you fix it up. Isshi, nothing is handed along if you can't see the scene a little more. Furthermore, you've written early on what should be understood later, and then it's kind of pointless to write it again beyond that point. This isn't evidence, but I'll write the biggest reason why it reads just like mail from a fan. It's because in only two lines, "sono" is used five times. Perhaps it's not very good at dividing the sentences, as a bad habit of yours is tying them together carelessly long, and as such I don't think that of that as "good." How so?... Incidentally, these coworkers didn't go to the funeral of a person in a high position at the town hall? But of course the town hall could'nt have been left empty.

Translator notes:
Kihara says that "sono" (it means 'that') is used 5 times in 2 lines, but I only counted 4 times throughout the whole story! I thought about it for a while and realized that he must've been talking about the original publishing, on his website. Some of the stories were edited by Isshi after Kihara's comments, but the comments themselves weren't revised.