Story #3 (Untitled)
Art by Marosi Viktória
This is an incident from a certain band's live.
During a violent tune, the tension of the spectators had reached its climax. A girl who was headbanging, violently swinging her head, knocked her head against someone else's with all her force and fainted. Her head cracked open and a large amount of blood was spilling out. In response to that terrible spectacle, some of the nearby guests vomited, some ran away, and some even swooned. The live was interrupted so that the staff could quickly call an ambulance, but since the girl's eyes were rolled back, all that could be seen was a sea of blood. Everyone thought there might be no way to help...
Nevertheless, after around ten minutes, the girl suddenly regained her natural strength, and what's more, she started taking off the clothes she was wearing where she was. The flustered staff hurried to cover her up with towels and handcloths, but since the stream of blood continued to overflow and her eyes weren't fully open, it seemed like she wasn't fully conscious. When the girl had shaken free from all the hands around her and taken everything off, she collapsed again.
The ambulance finally arrived on the scene, and as things were it was certain that she'd be headed for the intensive care unit. But when the staff, who had seen that strange behaviour before their own eyes, explained the facts of the situation to the doctor, it seemed that... when humans are confronted with death they do such things because of instinctual reasons.
I don't know what happened to that girl after all of that, but I can only pray that she was okay...
During a violent tune, the tension of the spectators had reached its climax. A girl who was headbanging, violently swinging her head, knocked her head against someone else's with all her force and fainted. Her head cracked open and a large amount of blood was spilling out. In response to that terrible spectacle, some of the nearby guests vomited, some ran away, and some even swooned. The live was interrupted so that the staff could quickly call an ambulance, but since the girl's eyes were rolled back, all that could be seen was a sea of blood. Everyone thought there might be no way to help...
Nevertheless, after around ten minutes, the girl suddenly regained her natural strength, and what's more, she started taking off the clothes she was wearing where she was. The flustered staff hurried to cover her up with towels and handcloths, but since the stream of blood continued to overflow and her eyes weren't fully open, it seemed like she wasn't fully conscious. When the girl had shaken free from all the hands around her and taken everything off, she collapsed again.
The ambulance finally arrived on the scene, and as things were it was certain that she'd be headed for the intensive care unit. But when the staff, who had seen that strange behaviour before their own eyes, explained the facts of the situation to the doctor, it seemed that... when humans are confronted with death they do such things because of instinctual reasons.
I don't know what happened to that girl after all of that, but I can only pray that she was okay...
<Coach's Perplexity>
...Hey Isshi, this is strange... isn't it? This incident... whether or not any part of it still remains... Ahh, speaking of strangeness I think this is a strange tale, but if pushed I'd have to say that it also seems like a tale of human mystery, doesn't it?Well, the climax of your story is "Her eyes weren't fully open" but it seems to me like you come to this extremely important point too soon. Also, "cracked open" is imperfect as an explanation. We don't really know what kind of state she was in. I think you could at least use an expression such as "cut" or "split." Because the guests around her probably weren't wearing iron helmets right?
Incidentally, you didn't fill out the details of the ending. It doesn't seem very Isshi-like.